You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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