what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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