Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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