I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
