They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
