You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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