he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
