Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
