his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
