People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
