I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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