It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
