I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
