Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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