Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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