Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
3pm strippers are depressing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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