She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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