What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
