Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
