Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
