just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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