my phone needs a breathalizer
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
