The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
