all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
