So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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