I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
