I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
