I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
