He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize