i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
