I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
