I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
