god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
