Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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