I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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