dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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