Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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