He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
