the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
