He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We need a shit load of segways right now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
