Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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