TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
