There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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