Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
