i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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