I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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