Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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