Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
