he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
