Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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