Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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