so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
