I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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