Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
