today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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