Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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