she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
