you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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