Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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