Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
