Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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