u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
