They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
