i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize