Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
