he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
