yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
