I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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