I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
