I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
