you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
