they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
