we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize