so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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