goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
