Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
