i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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