Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
