hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
time to smoke my breakfast
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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