Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
