I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
