Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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