Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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