Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
