If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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