my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
