the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
