Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
