We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
