He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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