Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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