Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Two words: nipple clamps
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