dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
