I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize