Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
