I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
